Loser like me
by Puff614
Summary: What if Santana's parents were killed when she was 12, and she was forced to live with her ultra-religious and abusive grandmother? How would her life be different? First attempt at Brittana fic. Contains some violence.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I can remember the exact moment that my direction my life was going in changed. Sometimes I lay awake at night, and stare at the stars I can see through the skylight in my room wondering how different my life could have been if only. If only my parents hadn't both been workaholics, if only they hadn't stayed extra late that Sunday night, if only the guy hadn't of been drunk, maybe he would have seen their SUV in the cross-section and not plowed into them killing them right away, if only I hadn't been sent to live with my grandmother, and some nights when it had been really bad I wondered if only I could have been with my parents that night too. Then we'd all be together, I would be happy I think then; happier to be dead than to be alive, and living the hell that was my life without them.

Why did they both have to die? I don't believe in God, because a God would have saved them, or at least one of them. They wouldn't take both of them away from me so quickly, not when I needed them the most. I remember the police officer knocking on the door to my old house, the only house that has ever been home to me. He apologized to my sitter Annie for waking us up, but he "had bad news." He had no idea the kind of life his bad news was condemning me to. No one did. It's been four years since that night, and still no one knows what it's like for me. The potential I had to maybe be amazing at something, anything, that potential is wasted on the life that's now mine. It doesn't feel like my life though, its like putting on someone else's clothes when all you really want is your favorite comfy clothes that fit you just right and are worn in the all the right places, my life itches and constricts me like it doesn't belong. Or maybe it's just me that doesn't belong?

It's Monday and I slowly made my way up the steps to my school. I had been at McKinley High for the past two years, and every day in school for me was torture. Middle school had started off with some promise, for a few weeks my old friends had hung around, although it was clear no one knew quite what to say to me about the loss of my parents. Teachers made a point of all telling me they were there if I ever needed to talk to someone, then they would quickly hurry away before I even said anything, leaving me to stare after them until my twelve year old brain worked out that teachers lie, and try to tell you what they think you want to hear, not what they actually mean. What they really meant was, that's pretty tough kid, bad luck, now do your homework, keep your head down, and get out of my way. Anyway, eventually teachers stopped trying to make conversation, and my friends stopped talking to me too, and just sort of drifted away. By the start of High school my school day had entered a familiar pattern.

I gingerly shucked my backpack from my shoulders, and was just reaching down to grab the books I wanted to leave in my locker when a body slammed into me hard enough for me to fall into the lockers. I hit my head on one of the doors and winced as I gently rubbed my hand across what was sure to be a red mark on my forehead. Yeah, that was one of the things I got to look forward to on my school days now. I just managed to get to my feet and shove whatever books I could into my locker when something cold and wet made contact with my back. Slushy. Cherry flavor by the look of the red puddle forming around me on the floor. I turned around to face my attackers only to watch a group of football player's high fiving each other as they walked away. I watched as other kids parted to make way for them, like they were the Gods of the school or something, instead of the bullies they really are. With a small sigh I made my way to the girls locker room to go and get changed for the first time today. If I didn't spend lunch in the library I'd probably have to get changed more, but normally it would be at least once and normally twice a day that I would have to rinse some obnoxious overly sweet slushy off me.

At least I was prepared nowadays. When it first happened I didn't have a change of clothes and I had to spend the whole day walking around with a blue stain on my dress. Now I even had a change of shoes just in case in my locker. Changing quickly I hurried to beat the bell so I would be on time for my first period. Spanish. Really I should probably be in AP Spanish, but the school doesn't offer it, so I sit in class trying not to frown over any mispronunciations or grammatical errors, and keep my head down staring at my book to try to avoid the inevitable teasing that comes with my Latina looks during this class.

Sometimes someone would pass a note, or say something that was so mean and degrading that my hands would clench into fists where they lay on my lap, and I would have to count to one hundred in every language I knew. Today was one of those days when Noah 'Puck' Puckerman made a lewd comment under his breath to me about how he'd like to play dirty little housecleaner with me, and see how loud he could make scream in Spanish when he showed me what being with a real man was like. His girlfriend Quinn Fabray hit him in the arm as he blew kisses at me. I bit my lip and just continued to stare at my book in front of me. Realizing that class was almost over I quickly wrote down everything that was written in the board in neat block lettering before the bell rang, then I tucked the book away in my bag and waited for the rest of the class to leave before I did. If I didn't, someone would try and trip me on my way out, so now it was just easier to wait for them to all go first. Mr. Schuester watched me go, and tried to smile goodbye. I found by now in my life though it was just easier to stay as far away from a teacher as possible so I just kept my head down and quietly left.

One class is pretty much like the rest in high school. Sit. Write notes. Pay attention. Stay silent. And my Monday progressed with the same boring predictability as every other Monday. A few more trips and pushes into lockers or walls. A wad of gum left on my chair in history that I sat on before I noticed it, getting laughs from a few girls that sit behind me. Nothing is out of the ordinary in fact until art class. Art class is always out of the ordinary because she is in art class. I sit two rows behind her on the right and spend most of the class gazing at her profile, and hoping that no one notices. She is always beautiful, happy; actually beyond happy she is positively bubbly. She makes me want to write poetry about her. And even though I can't draw worth a damn, I use one of my electives to take art class twice a week just so I can soak in her presence. Today she is laughing at something he is saying, whispering in her ear. I hate him. I hate that he is so close to her, that he makes her laugh, that he gets to talk to her, see her up close, he could probably even smell her better from where he is, I have only ever smelt her in passing, and she smells like the rain on a sunny day. God that makes me sound like a sappy perv. But I'm not, honestly. I just have this huge crush that I carry for her, and it's my biggest secret. I know that we could never be together. She's way out of my league. I'm a loser, and she's a cheerleader. I wear some solid color woolen dress and black leather shoes to school every day that make me look like I am a reject from the Amish community or something, and when she doesn't wear her cheerios uniform what she wears influences the fashion throughout the school. And so it should be stated as a fact that I Santana Lopez could never in a million years get a girl like Brittany Susan Pierce to ever be interested in me.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: Thanks for the Alerts and reviews. Here's the next part, I would have posted last night but the suits and dancing was distracting Next part should be up Saturday. Let me know what you think.

Snowdrop1026- Spashley board snowdrop right? Thank you this update is for you.

Val-cb Thanks for the feedback, I hope you continue to enjoy it. I am hoping for 2-3 updates a week.

Chapter 2

Unfortunately art class seems to be the only class I have that defies the space-time continuum, and so time really does pass far too quickly in it. Before I have even had my fill of her, ok like that's going to happen, but anyway, before I know what's really going on I feel people bumping into me on their rush to leave and go home. The last bell of the day always has the opposite effect on me, I can feel my feet start to drag, I make my way out of class taking one last deep breath of her to tide me over until Wednesday, and then slowly walk back to my locker.

I know better than to dawdle too much, but I drag out the locker routine as much as I can before carefully swinging my laden down backpack onto my back for the walk home. Yes you read that right, walk home. It's about three miles I think and I have it down to about forty minutes depending on the weather, longer if it is very hot or icy, and a little shorter if it is raining or mild. Today feels unseasonably warm for April and I can feel my back get sweaty where my heavy bag rests against it. As my grandmothers house comes into view I pause and attempt to straighten up my dress, and make sure my shoes are tied, and my ponytail is not a mess. Then squaring my shoulders I try to keep my chin up as I walk towards the dragons den.

I slide my key into the door and turn the doorknob to let myself in, my hand is shaking a bit and I squeeze my hands into fists to try and make them stop. As soon as I enter the house I shut the door as quietly as possible and quickly take off my shoes. I know better by now than to leave them by the door, and so I place them on the shoe rack next to my boots for gardening, and her shoes and boots. I can feel my forehead being forced into a frown as I try to assess if they are presentable, and say a quick prayer to whoever cares about my pathetic existence that they are. Then taking a deep breath to control my nerves I square my shoulders once more and head towards the dining room. One step. Two steps. I hear a floorboard creak and freeze, straining my ears to try to hear anything else but the house seems quite. Another step and I am almost there before her voice stops me cold.

"Santana, can you come in here please?" I hear her voice coming from what I am told to call the parlor. Something sounds wrong about the voice though, it is too high pitched and it makes me wonder what is going on. Reluctantly I change direction and head to where I have been beckoned.

What I find causes me to freeze once more. Dark eyes are instantly on me the second I walk into view, but that's not what stops me. No what stops me is the other set of eyes that are looking me up and down and assessing me. It makes me want to shudder, but I make myself stand tall.

"Yes abuela, uh sorry grandmother." I say, instantly knowing that I have already made a stupid mistake. When there are visitors I am never allowed to address her in Spanish, even though she insists on me only addressing her in Spanish if we are alone. Damn it. Damn it that was really stupid. I am so busy silently berating myself for my first error that I already make my second, and miss what she is saying. Now they are both staring at me with expectant expressions on their faces and I have no idea what they want. I can no longer meet my grandmother's now angry gaze and look down instead at my sock covered feet. I guess that's why the blow to the side of my face came as such a surprise, not that it should have.

"Stupid girl." She hisses in my face as I blink away tears. "Must you force me to repeat myself? I said bring us something to drink and then start your homework where I can see you."

I nod my head to show that I understand and quickly hurry from the room. I can feel my face still throbbing from where she slapped me, and I think her ring split my lip, but I ignore the discomfort and hurry around making lemonade and preparing a tray. I include something to eat as well, not sure if this will be seen as something right or wrong, and hope it is the former although it normally ends up being the later.

I don't know why I can never make her happy.

I think it only takes me two minutes to get everything done and then I am back carefully carrying a tray into the parlor. Both sets of eyes are on me again as I put the tray down. I am just about to turn and leave the room when I remember the other part of her instructions and reluctantly sit at the uncomfortable wooden chair by the tiny dark wooden table near the window. I have my back to them, and honestly that has me worried, but I know I wont be able to concentrate on my homework if I can actually see their faces, and if I don't do that, then a split lip will be the least of my worries.

I make quick work of all of the assignments I have due, listening occasionally to snippets of their conversation. I heard words about church; Sunday service, Mass, and a benefit that is coming up were all mentioned. Then I briefly became the topic of conversation and the words became angry sounding. Like ungrateful, spoilt, doesn't know what's good for her, sinner, and her favorite insult right now stupid child. Nothing I hadn't heard for the past four years coming out of my grandmother's lips. I concentrated on looking busy. After all of my homework was completed, I worked ahead in some of my classes, a GPA below 4.0 would not be acceptable, although maintaining one for the past few years hadn't stopped me from being called stupid at every available opportunity.

I was starting to get hungry, and a little sleepy by the time their conversation drew to a close and my grandmother walked our visitor to the door. I put my things back in my backpack and sat in my chair awaiting her judgment. It didn't take long. The door had barely closed before she was in the room and hitting me around the side of my head. I tried to protect my head with my hands, but that only seemed to make her more angry and I saw her reach for the one item that can cause my blood to run cold. It was a long wooden walking stick; it used to be a little rough when I was twelve, but now as sixteen it was worn smooth from use.

The first smack to my back made me yelp, and I wanted to beg her to stop, but I knew from past experiences that it would only make her angrier. Instead she dished out the punishment she had deemed I would receive, all the time calling me a rude, ungrateful, stupid little girl. Then pointed at the door with the tip of the stick when she was finished, her shoulders heaving still from the effort of beating me, and I gratefully took my leave. I grabbed my backpack and scurried up the stairs as fast as I could. Once I reached my room I shut my door, dropped my backpack on the floor and flung myself on my bed. Finally I let the tears come as I hugged my pillow, muffling my cries into it, until finally I was exhausted and I slept.


	3. Chapter 3

AN – Here's the next update, a day earlier than promised. Should have another one coming your way Sunday or Monday. Thanks again for the reviews everyone. This chapter was fun to write, I hope it's fun to read too!

My-other-ride-is-your-mom – Hi. First off your name made me giggle. Awesome. Thanks I think I'm a masochist as I love writing this stuff.

The paradox – Hi, and thanks. I hope you like this one too.

Indiearcade- Hi and thank you.

AponiRainbow- Hi, hope you enjoy it. I loved writing this chapter.

Snowdrop1026 – Well what is not to love about the joy that is Brittana and Glee? LOL yes I am sure you have lots of questions, and yes poor Santana, she's a brave one though. Mostly. Hope you enjoy this part too.

Chapter 3

Tuesday morning started bright and painfully early, ok it was just plain painful if I am going to be honest. My back felt like one big bruise, I took a deep breath and winced as the expansion of my ribs caused my bra straps to rub across freshly bruised areas. Ugh. My bedside clock said it was five fifteen; time to get up if I wanted to shower today before she was up. Undressing, showering and redressing was like my own mini form of torture, I know its stupid, but I avoided looking at my back in the mirror the whole time. If I couldn't see it then it wouldn't be that bad, I could shake it off. Ok not shake because ouch. But I could try and use positive thinking right? Besides it didn't matter how bad it was I still had to cook breakfast, make lunch and go to school.

Today's hideous dress was dark grey. Grey wool socks and a back band to hold back my hair completed my look. She bought all of my clothes, and this was the only way she deemed proper for me to dress. I also think she delighted in the fact that the way I dressed was sure to get me noticed at school by the other children in a less than positive way.

I don't know why it makes her happy that I am alone.

Breakfast was toast with jelly and a large glass of milk. My stomach was caught between being hungry, as I didn't have dinner the night before, but not quite right from the pain. I found some Advil in one of the cupboards and dry swallowed a couple of pills to help me out. Then I quickly packed myself a lunch that I could eat in the library.

At exactly six, forty-five she came downstairs and without a word I placed a cup of coffee black without sugar, and two buttered pieces of toast where she would sit, before quickly going upstairs to brush my teeth. At exactly seven I carefully pulled on my backpack, hiding a wince at the pain it was already causing just sitting there, and wished her a good day at home before I left for school.

The walk took longer than usual because I had to keep stopping to catch my breath if my backpack caught me just wrong, some places definitely felt more sensitive than others. My lateness caused me not to look where I was going as I quickly hurried to my locker so I could leave anything heavy there before class.

I was so busy congratulating myself on actually making it on time that I ran straight into something solid, and warm. "Uh sorry." I said quietly before I even looked up to see who I'd hit. I knew the chance of getting a slushy to the face right now was a fifty-fifty and didn't fancy my chances. However my mouth sort of fell open when I found myself face to, well um almost face with her.

Brittany.

She was smiling at me, and as completely cheesy as it sounds I got so lost in her blue eyes, and God she smelt so much better up close, and wow was she beautiful, stunning, and then I remembered I was just staring at her with my mouth open, and standing in her way, and I could feel my face heat up in a blush as she continued to just smile softly at me. "S-sorry." I said stuttering over the words. Great now I was stuttering! Could I be more of a loser?

The slushy that hit me in the face made me regret asking myself that question because obviously the answer was resounding yes. I just noticed she was now frowning at me before I quickly muttered "Sorry" for the third time, apparently incapable of saying anything else to her, and ran for the girl's locker room.

The bell for first period rang as I entered the combination to my locker and opened it. I had blue slushy on my face and all down the front of my dress. Crap. It stung my eyes as I attempted to wipe it away with a towel, and clean myself up. I had just started to pull my dress over my head when I heard it.

"Wow." A voice said and I just kind of froze with my dress half over my head. I knew instantly whose voice it was, and I knew as well that she could see my whole back. My back that probably looked like I had gone a few rounds with a Mack truck and lost. Well this was an inauspicious start to my day, if I had a pet of any kind right about now I would really be worrying for its wellbeing.

Oh well, Brittany could already see it so I made the decision just to carry on and take the rest of my dress off, trying my best not to whimper pathetically when it pulled across my whole back. I couldn't stop the flinch that happened when I felt a cool hand gently touch me though.

"Sorry." She apologized her voice quiet and her touch super gentle against my heated skin. "How did you do this?"

I shook my head unable to explain, unable as well to turn around and face her so her hand just started gently running up and down my back making random patterns on my skin. She seemed to realize that I wasn't going to answer her and continued talking to me in that soft voice she has. "I fell from the top of the pyramid once and hurt my back. Not like this." Her hand swept my ponytail to one side as her fingers brushed against my neck, and a whole different kind of shudder ran down my spine. I forced myself to turn around and face her, however my legs felt a little shaky now so I ended up sat down on the bench watching her instead as she sat down beside me.

"You should go, you have class." I was unable to look at her now I was facing her. What could she possibly be thinking about me? I didn't want to see whatever it was as there was no way it could be good, so I clutched my ruined dress to my middle and stared at that instead.

"I think my teachers think I'd do better if I never went to class." She said, sounding like she was smiling at me. I couldn't actually tell if she was joking or serious, but either way I thought she was funny and sweet for trying to make me feel better. I smiled and finally found the courage to look at her, when I did I actually giggled as she did this little fist pump thing in excitement.

"You look really pretty when you smile." Her head was tilted to one side as she watched me, for a second I felt like she could see into me and know all my secrets, but then she blinked and the moment disappeared.

We sat in silence for a few seconds, I was apparently rendered mute again in her presence, my mouth even opened a few times to say something, anything, before it shut each time and the silence continued. I was starting to get cold sat in just my plain white cotton underwear, and clutching my wet dress to me. My body shivered in an attempt to warm up and I saw a frown appear on Brittany's forehead again as she watched me.

"You're cold." She announced and moved away from me to her locker. I watched as she undid her combination lock, I could see the tip of her pink tongue poking out slightly as she concentrated on putting in the right number. Then she reached inside and pulled something out of it, with a flourish and a "Ta dah!" what she was holding was presented to me.

Clothes.

Wait.

Her clothes.

I just stared at the simple black tank top, and dark blue jeans she held my way. When I didn't make any effort to take the clothes from her, that frown appeared on her face once more, this one was deeper and more pronounced; it was almost like I had hurt her by not taking the clothes right away. Not able to stand the sad puppy dog face any longer, you'd be no better against it trust me, everyone must cave to Brittany if she pulled that face on them, I reached out and took the offering.

"Thanks." I even tried a smile as I started to slip the clothes on. The jeans were so soft and worn, although a little long and Brittany giggled when she bent down to roll the cuffs up a little for me. Then as I struggled to pull the tank top on, Brittany took it out of my hands. She helped me hold my hands up over my head and then gently pulled it down my arms, and over my back, her hands trailed down my ribcage as she smoothed the black cotton down and I gasped, she instantly moved her hands away from me, before she looked in my eyes. I don't know what it was that she saw there but she sort of did this half smile afterwards before her head ducked forwards, and her blonde hair hid her face from view.

I stood up and walked over to the mirror, it showed me a reflection that couldn't be me. I looked different. I turned around slightly to see if you could make out any bruising through the shirt but everything looked good.

Brittany came and stood beside me, her eyes were scanning me from head to toe and she looked happy with what she could see. "You look hot." She said, and reaching out she ran a fingertip across my collarbone. I could feel my face heat up in a blush as we looked at each other in the mirror.

Suddenly the bell rang, the noise startling both of us so that we moved apart and broke eye contact. I watched disappointed as Brittany grabbed her backpack and easily slung it over her shoulder. "I'll see you at lunch Santana." She called over her shoulder as she left the locker room, the door banging closed behind her.

Wait what?

She knows my name?

Suddenly my crappy day was turning around.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note – Sorry for the delay, I wanted to post something Sunday but life got away from me. Anyway let me know your thoughts on this chapter. Thanks as always for all the lovely feedback and alerts, it's nice to know people are reading and hopefully enjoying the story.

Indiearcade- Thanks

Lanter – Hi and thanks for making my day!

Crzymex – Hi, and thanks you. I hope you like this part too.

Imjustagirl2004 – Hi. Different is good. My brain is mind of dark and twisty, sometimes it can be fluffy, but that doesn't happen often lol. I feel sad for Santana too. Hopefully I can answer some more of your questions eventually. Enjoy and thanks for the feedback…you made my day too!

Goldfoil – Hi and thanks. Building things up can be all kinds of fun.

Conri – Hi, sorry the abuse is tough to read, I am hoping it's not too dark. Yes that is probably a good guess. I hope you still enjoy this.

This part is for all of you who leave me feedback. You rock.

Chapter 4

Okay so my day didn't turn around that much I admit it. Yes she knew my name and that was a miracle really. But it didn't give me the courage to actually go to the cafeteria for lunch, instead I still made my way to the library and ate while tucked away in the reference section.

I got the strangest looks throughout the day too. Students did this double-take kind of thing as if they had no idea who I was. I can't believe Brittany's clothes changed my appearance that much, but they must have as I managed to not get bumped, tripped or slushied again for the rest of the day. Even the teachers took a second look at my appearance, pausing after they read my name on the roll before moving on. It made me realize how much her choice in what I wore made such a big impact in how I was treated at McKinley. People really were that shallow to go by appearances first, instead of attempting to get to know me.

I hurried to the locker room when the last bell rang. I had hung my dress up in my locker this morning so hopefully it would be at least semi-dry so I could put it on. There's no way she wouldn't notice if I came home dressed like I was right now, and my back really couldn't take another beating until it had healed up a little more. My feet skidded to a stop by my locker when I noticed that someone else was there already.

Brittany.

Her arms were crossed in front of her chest and she was leaning against my locker. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail and a few honey blonde strands had escaped to frame the sides of her face. It was strange to see her without a smile on her face, but she actually looked almost sad when she looked at me, even her lower lip was pouted out slightly.

"You didn't eat lunch." She said, her lip pouting out slightly more as she pushed herself off my locker and took a step towards me.

My heart beat extra fast in my chest, and my mouth went suddenly dry. "I eat in the library." I said, apparently my mouth doesn't mind saying things that make me sound like even more of a loser than I already am. Awesome.

"Where the books live? Why?" She asked.

I was growing to love the frown that appeared on Brittany's face when she didn't understand something; it was just too adorable for words. It made me want to run my thumb across her forehead and soothe the tiny wrinkle that appeared. Wait I know she asked me something. Oh yeah I remember, why am a loser that eats her lunch in the library?

"It's quiet."

More of that adorable frown appeared and it made my lips curl up in a genuine smile. We were standing about five feet apart now, and up this close her eyes were just so amazing, so blue and clear. Beautiful.

"Can I eat lunch with you there tomorrow? I could totally bring something from home." She took another step towards me and I wondered why she wanted to eat with me. Was I being punked? I almost looked around for cameras, but the thing about Brittany is that she's so open, that I don't think she could be mean and do something like that to me. So instead after a few seconds of thought I just nodded my head and watched this even more beautiful smile appear on her face. Her frown disappeared completely and just this grin remained. God even her eyes smile, they get brighter.

"You promise Santana?" Another step and we could touch each other now if either of us reached out.

I nodded again, but Brittany seemed to require a verbal response. "I promise." I said, my voice sounded raspy. As soon as the words had left my lips though I found myself wrapped up in a hug. I tried not to flinch when her hands made contact with my back but I couldn't help it, it was still really tender.

"Sorry I forgot." Brittany said as her arms dropped lower around my waist even though she didn't let me go. The words came out puffed against the side of my neck, and I could feel the hair at the nape of my neck stand on end because of it.

I don't know what made me glance at the clock just then, but I did and was hit by a full-blown panic.

Oh God this was bad.

I pushed myself quickly away from Brittany. No time. No time to explain. No time to say sorry and apologize. I hurried to my locker and quickly opened it. My hands started shaking as I fumbled with the button and zip to the jeans I was wearing, and I sat down so I could kick off my shoes.

There's something very strange about watching someone else take off your clothes for you. One second my hands are attempting to undo the jeans, and the next they had been brushed away by long slender fingers that effortlessly doing the job for me. I looked up at to see Brittany crouching in front of me; she didn't look angry, or happy even; just curious I guess if I had to label it.

"Santana." When she said my name our eyes made contact again, and once more I felt like she could see inside me and just know everything. "What's going on?" She asked, her fingers laced themselves with mine and rested on my thighs. I could feel her thumb rubbing small circles on the back of my hand.

"I need to go. I've only got twenty minutes to walk there to be on time Brittany, and I'm in so much trouble if I'm late." Oh God so much trouble, you have no idea. I have no idea. I haven't been late for ages and it was memorable then, but now I'm older I'm supposed to be wiser, and so my punishments have become worse to compensate for it.

"I can drive." Brittany said pulling me from my thoughts. "That's faster than walking."

I smiled at her. She was being so kind to me. It had been a long time since anyone was this kind to me; after all she had given me clothes already today and now wanted to help me get back on time. "Thank you."

We didn't say anything else as I quickly got changed. My dress was mostly dry, although right away I missed the comfort of Brittany's clothes. Hers weren't all itchy like mine were. I folded up the jeans and tank top that she had leant me and passed them to her. However she folded her arms and refused to take them and made a funny face at me as she said, "Keep them."

I could feel my face blush as I carefully put them on my shelf in my locker. I can't believe she gave me her clothes. When I reached out to grab my backpack Brittany's hands beat me to it, and before I knew what was happening she had my backpack and her own slung over her shoulder. Somehow our fingers had become tangled together once more and so this was how we left the locker room, side by side with our fingers laced together between us.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors note – sorry for the delay I have been super sick with migraines. Yuck. Thanks as always for the alerts and especially the reviews.

My-other-ride is-your-mom – Hi, I still chuckle at your name. Thanks I'm glad you are enjoying it in a good way, and thanks for the feedback.

Crzymex – Hi and yes I feel bad for Santana too, she's pretty awesome though…she doesn't know it yet unfortunately though. Thanks.

Snowdrop1026 – Hi and yes most people probably want to beat her grandmother, I don't condone violence on the elderly though* smiles * thanks for leaving feedback.

Coolio1206- Hi and thank you, I hope you continue to enjoy it.

And on to the show…

Chapter 5

Brittany drove a bright yellow VW Beetle, one of the new ones, not the old retro ones. It fit her cheery personality, right down to the little yellow sunflower on the dashboard and the disco ball that hung from her rearview mirror. She explained that it was yellow so she could find it easier when it played hide and seek, this made me smile, which in turn made her smile even bigger in return. Apparently she likes to make me happy.

When I gave Brittany my grandmothers address she paused putting on her seatbelt. "No way. I live two streets over." Her smile became a full-blown grin with her blue eyes crinkling up at the corners. "Awesome."

She looked so beautiful right then that for a second I forgot how to breathe, when I remembered I should be breathing in and out, I took an overly large breath and ended up chocking on my own spit, causing me to cough so hard that tears came to my eyes. Brittany lightly rubbed circles on my back trying to help, as I just wished that a hole would appear and swallow me. Who does that? Forgets to breath because someone just looked so frickin' amazing? God I am so stupid.

Before we turn into the street where my grandmother lives I asked Brittany to pull over. "We're not there though?" She said, her bottom lip making a decided pout.

I don't know how you explain to someone that you're asking them to stop far enough away so that no one sees them, without sounding ridiculous or paranoid. I searched my brain for the right words to explain the situation but kept coming up blank so we just sat in silence, the only noise being the purr of the care engine.

After what felt like an hour but was probably only a minute of looking at my hands clenched together in my lap I shook my head and looked up at Brittany instead, still not sure what I was going to actually say, but knowing that I had to say something. Anything. To break the silence that had fallen on us. However anything I was going to say fell away because when I looked at her, I noticed that she was looking at me.

Wait.

Looking is so not the right word.

Not nearly intense enough to describe the feel of her eyes on me.

Reading.

Brittany Pierce was reading me.

I could see tiny flickers and changes in her expression as she learned something new, a small quirk of her lips upwards, a narrowing of her eyes, a little shake of her head causing a few more strands of blonde hair to escape her ponytail.

Just then an expression appeared on her face that signaled she had worked something out so she nodded her head and said. "Is this another thing you can't talk about right now?" The smile she wore was soft, she wasn't angry with me. It was like Brittany understood what I was going through, that she actually understood me, and saw me, and was giving me time and space, not pressuring me to tell her everything.

Still too captivated to speak I nodded my head once to answer her question -to show her that I was really listening to what she said – and tried to give her a smile, although I think it came across as a little weak.

It was scary how much Brittany already knew me.

How easily she got what I was thinking and feeling.

Crap that's not scary it's terrifying!

It was time to start being careful around Brittany before she learnt too much.

I glanced at the clock in the dashboard and felt my heart rate speed up. I was going to be late even with the lift Brittany gave me if I didn't leave soon. My hands started to tremble, and I hated how nervous the thought of going into that house made me. But there wasn't any escaping it, and the longer I put it off the worse it could possibly be.

I undid my seatbelt, and reached for my backpack that sat at my feet.

"Thank you." I said quietly not quite able to meet Brittany's eyes again.

"You're welcome Santana."

I don't know what it was about the way Brittany said my name, but it was like hearing my name for the first time. I love how she says it. Normally I hate my name but she makes my name sound beautiful.

I could feel my face erupt in a light blush and ducked my head further. Then taking a deep breath for courage I opened the door and walked towards my grandmothers house. Forcing myself not to look back I carefully swung my backpack onto my shoulders, gritting my teeth as it bumped against my bruised skin. I ran my hands through my hair, and smoothed down invisible wrinkles in my dress hoping that my appearance would be deemed acceptable. Then, slowly I put one foot in front of the other and reluctantly made my way to my grandmother's house, hoping for a quiet night.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors note – Thanks everyone. This parts longer than the extra short one last time. Let me know your thoughts.

Enapipak – Hi. Thank you for your kind words, I hope you enjoy reading this part. I always appreciate when people take the time to leave me feedback.

Goldfoil – hi and thanks. Enjoy and thank you I am feeling ok.

Indiearcade – Hi and thanks.

ZeLuNatic22 – Hi. Yes Brittana rocks! I hope you enjoy this update and thank you.

Chapter 6

I don't have luck on my side very often but I did last night. When I arrived home my grandmother was just leaving. She mentioned something about the church benefit, and how she was on the organizing committee. I stopped listening after she said she was going out, and had to stop myself from doing a little dance. Time alone was incredibly rare, and an evening without her constant glare and harsh criticism sounded like just what my body needed to rest and recover.

Of course I had a list of things to accomplish when she was out, including my homework to do, and strict instructions not to use the phone or answer the door. When the sound of the door shutting reached my ears I breathed a sigh of relief. A whole night alone to just slouch if I wanted, eat what I wanted, and shower for as long as I wanted.

Bliss.

Of course most of the time I devoted to getting all of my homework done. I did turn the radio on quietly and sang or hummed along to any songs I knew. I made sure to tune the radio back to my grandmother's station so she could listen to Mass in the morning and not know I had been listening to something else. In fact I made sure to put everything back how I found it, or away neatly after I used it. I even managed to get a few of my dresses washed to remove the slushy stains, dried, and put away so she wouldn't notice. I made sure to put a clean dress in my backpack for the morning so I would have a spare in my locker. Thinking of that of course made me think about Brittany and how I had some of her clothes in my locker, and how much I had enjoyed wearing those clothes, not just because they were so comfortable to wear, but I also admitted that part of the enjoyment of wearing Brittany's clothes was because, well, they were her clothes.

Dinner was a grilled cheese sandwich and a small bowl of spicy tomato soup. I enjoyed a twenty-minute shower letting the warm water ease away some of the aches and pains. Then I after drying myself off, including drying my hair, I straightened up the bathroom, and put on my pajamas. Finally I and crawled under the covers and slept.

The next morning I woke up feeling as rested as I have ever felt. I enjoyed staying in bed for a few extra minutes, as I didn't have to rush to shower. Lying on my side I stretched experimentally. The muscles were still tight and stiff, but already felt better compared to yesterday. Finally time had ticked on enough that I had to leave the safety of my warm comforter, and get dressed. The slight chill in the air was motivation enough to strip off my pajamas, slip on fresh underwear, and decide on today's hideous dress. Navy blue. This one was exceptionally itchy on my skin and so I wore a plain cotton camisole underneath to try to protect my skin a little.

Downstairs in the kitchen I poured myself a small bowl of cereal. I wasn't allowed the normally sugary cereal, but I had grown to develop a taste for unfrosted mini-wheat's. I remembered that I was supposed to meet Brittany for lunch today, that thought made me smile as I carefully chose what I was going to pack today that would help me come off as less of a loser. I made a wrap with salad and a little cheese in it, found two of the better looking pieces of fruit in the refrigerator, an apple, and a banana, and a bottle of water. Not too bad, although the reused brown paper bag wasn't the best thing to use.

After that was done, I had the coffee and toast all ready as I heard footsteps come down the stairs. Placing them silently on the table I made my way up the stairs to brush my teeth and take care of business.

At seven I put my backpack on, said goodbye to my grandmother, and wished her a pleasant day, and then left for school. It was a little cooler outside today and I crossed my arms, hugging them for warmth. I had my head down only glancing up occasionally to check for traffic when I crossed the road, I was pretty much in my own world, which is why the sound of a car horn so close to me caused me to jump.

A yellow VW Beetle was right parked beside me.

Brittany.

I smiled as she lowered the window and called out to me. "Hop in." I heard the door locks click open. Nervously I looked around, I hadn't walked very far yet and there was a chance someone she knew would see me getting in Brittany's car, and it would get back to her. But I didn't see anyone about this morning that I knew so I carefully took of my backpack and got in.

When I was all buckled in Brittany started up the car and headed towards McKinley High. It didn't take long to get there and as we pulled in the car park was almost deserted. We still had a good twenty minutes before the school buses arrived. Brittany undid her seatbelt, and not really knowing what to do, I did the same. There was a few seconds of silence before we both started speaking at the same time.

"Thank you for the lift." "So, I'm excited about lunch together today."

We both laughed over speaking together, and I could feel this break the tension between us better than speaking had. Brittany turned in her seat so that she was sat sideways looking at me. She wasn't wearing her cheerio uniform today, instead her hair was down, and she wore a oversized grey tee with a rubber duck in a bathtub on it, and a pair of green tiny shorts that showed off her long slender legs, and knee high purple and blue stripped socks, all paired with red converse sneakers. It was eclectic, but all kinds of cool, and I felt positively uncool by comparison and nervously smoothed my awful navy blue dress over my legs.

"You're welcome Santana." Brittany said with a smile, she reached out and took one of my nervous hands in hers and our fingers twined together again. "So what did you do last night?" Her thumb was brushing gently back and forth across my knuckles.

"Homework." The word slipped out and I wish I could take it back because now she had even more proof that I was a loser.

"I should try doing that sometime." She laughed, smiling brighter when I laughed at her response. "You're so smart San." Brittany said giving my hand a little squeeze.

I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to deny that I was smart, but then it sunk in that she had called me San, and it made me feel all kinds of fuzzy inside so that I couldn't say anything so I just smiled and squeezed her hand a little back.

A tap on the window caused us both to jump and I immediately pulled my hand away from Brittany's. Quinn Fabray stood outside Brittany's car with an unhappy scowl on her face and her hands on her hips. She was wearing her cheerio uniform and looked less than pleased by finding her best friend hanging out with me. I thought Brittany mouthed sorry to me before she climbed out of the car, but I was too flustered to tell if she did or if my brain had just created it. Quinn ignored me as she gave Brittany a hug and pulled her close. "Come on Britt's, Finn Hudson was asking about you to Puck yesterday. Let's go before the smell of loser ruins our reputation." And without a glance at me she led Brittany away and to the doors of McKinley.

I stood there watching her go, neither one of them looked back at me. I wouldn't really have expected Quinn too, but I thought, hoped, that Brittany and I were becoming friends. Oh well I guess we weren't.

I'd only gotten about twenty steps from Brittany's car when a large group of football jocks surrounded me lead by Noah Puckerman. Oh no this can't be good. They all had slushies in their hands. There had to be almost fifteen different cups.

"It's no fun Lopez when you don't even try to escape." Noah said as he waved his cup of slushy in front of me. If he expected me to cower away from him he had another thing coming. They'd been doing this to me for what felt like forever, and they were by no means the scariest thing in my life, so I just put a blank expression on my face and looked at him. I thought for about one second that he'd just walk away as the cup in his hand dropped a fraction, but then it was thrown at my face, and that seemed to be the cue for all of the other slushies to be thrown my way. I cringed at the cold wet feeling.

"I was wrong. That was still fun." Puckerman laughed as he walked away high fiving other members of the team as they made their way towards school.

I could feel slushy drip down into my shoes and grimaced. Slowly I made my way inside too. Everyone that I passed stopped to look at me. Most of them laughed. Some of them just seemed relieved it wasn't them taking the slushy bath. None of them helped.


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note – Thanks for the reviews and alerts.

Sorry not time to give personal responses to everyone that left feedback, but this chapter is for you if you did!

Chapter 7

The locker room was empty, probably because the bell had just rung for the start of first period. Damn I was going to be so late for Spanish, I hope professor Shuester understands because if I get in trouble at school I'll be in so much trouble at home.

When I stood in front of my locker there was this one second where part of me really wanted to put Brittany's clothes on again, not just because wearing them caused me to have my first non-bullied day of High school, but because they were hers, and wearing them had made me feel close to her, probably as close as I'd ever get.

In the end the rational part of my brain won though and I put on the grey woolen dress that I had put in my backpack that morning, and hurried to class only about twenty minutes late. Lucky for me professor Schuester only asked me to take my seat even though Noah and Quinn laughed at me when someone near the front tripped me on my way to my seat. After class he simply said "Try not to be late to my class again Santana ok?" And I just nodded my head before walking to my next class.

By lunchtime I just wanted to hide.

I was walking past the cafeteria when I saw her there.

Brittany.

She was sat in the cafeteria eating lunch, and talking to Quinn Fabray.

Guess I am eating lunch by myself again today.

I ran to the library bursting through the doors and startling the librarian behind the desk. I stuttered out a sorry before I continued running to the reference section where I collapsed on the floor, hugged my backpack to myself, and barely restrained myself from flinging my lunch at the stack of books opposite me.

She'd lied.

She had promised, made me promise that we would eat lunch together, and then eaten lunch with Quinn Fabray instead. Not that I blame her, who would want to hang around with me anyway? I eat lunch in the library for Gods sake!

I need to stop trusting people.

I'd never trusted anyone that easily before. It was all my fault. I gave her the power to make a fool out of me this way. She was probably in there right now laughing to Quinn about how she had let poor pathetic loser Lopez think that we would have lunch together. How funny that was.

I banged my head backwards on the shelf behind me.

I was so angry.

At Brittany yes.

But mostly at myself.

Angry that I had let this happen.

That I had let her in.

I didn't eat.

I didn't feel hungry.

I felt empty.

Instead I just sat there clutching my backpack until the bell rang signaling that it was time for me to pull myself together and force myself to go to the class. And yeah because I obviously didn't get the memo that someone somewhere hates me I realized that my next class was going to be a.

With her.

Awesome.

When I walked into the art room just as the bell rung Brittany was already sitting in there. She looked up and smiled at me, but I immediately looked away and refused to look even once in her direction for the whole class period. I even went as far as to sit at the opposite side of the class from her, therefore being as far away as possible. As though the distance could help me breathe better, and forget what had happened.

It didn't.

It did help that I couldn't smell her perfume from where I was, that was until Brittany made an effort about halfway through class to try to talk to me. She got as far as "Santana." Before I turned my seat away from her, childish I know but she didn't have anything she could say to me at that time that would make it all hurt less.

After class I waited until everyone else had left before packing things back in my backpack and heading towards my locker. The hallways were already pretty empty, people really do try to get out of school as quickly as possible when the bell rings. All I wanted to do was get whatever I needed out of my locker and put everything I didn't need away, and then begin the walk back so I wouldn't be late. Of course that wasn't going to be possible because Brittany was leaning against my locker with her arms crossed. I almost wanted to just walk away so that we wouldn't have to do this, whatever this was, because I already felt strange just about being angry earlier. Instead I decided to take the slightly more mature approach and just ignore her so I reached for the combination lock on my locker and refused to make eye contact with the blonde who had planted herself quite firmly infront of me.

"Santana, please." She sounded sad, like I had done something to upset her so I grabbed hold of the anger inside of me hoping that it would give me the strength to tell her to go away, but the words died on my lips when I looked up into her blue eyes.

I shook my head slightly to try to clear it.

I could do this.

"No Brittany." I said holding up a hand palm out towards her. "I can't do this." I shifted my focus back to the lock I still held in my other hand.

"I don't understand why you're so mad at me Santana. I didn't do anything wrong." Her words came out as a whisper, but they couldn't have sounded any clearer if she had screamed them.

"What?" I shook my head at Brittany. "And for a second there I thought you were going to apologize for missing lunch." I heard her gasp at my words and when I looked up I could see her lower lip trembling.

"Oh Santana." I watched Brittany take a breath to try and calm herself. "I'm so sorry, I forgot. Quinn needed my advice about something over lunch, and she completely distracted me. Please forgive me. Can I drive you home to make it up to you?"

I shook my head and watched her shoulders sag and her lip tremble more. "I can't do this." I said quietly.

The lock in my hand sprung open, I couldn't even remember entering in my combination. With a little sigh I put my backpack down at my feet and rubbed my palm against my dress. For some reason my hands were sweaty.

"Please don't give up Santana. Give me another chance." Brittany covered my hand with hers and pulled it close to her chest. I could feel small puffs of air against my knuckles as her breath tickled across them. "Please Santana."

"I can't Brittany. I've had enough disappointments in my life. I can't take any more." Not when I knew that her disappointing me hurt something deep inside me.

"I won't give up Santana." Brittany warned still holding my hand close. "I can't give up."

My eyes met hers once more and we just sort of stared at each other for a second. I felt like she was trying to tell me something, but I wasn't getting it. Finally with a sigh I pulled my hand away from hers. "I don't understand." I said my voice still super quiet, but loud enough as the hallways were devoid of anyone else. "I don't understand what you're trying to do. Why are you even talking to me?"

I was going to argue more with her but suddenly she had pushed my back against my locker, and before I could complain further her lips were pressed gently against mine. Her hands found their way into my hair, and I could feel her fingers softly stroke the back of my neck.

Holy shit.

Brittany Pierce was kissing me in the hallway of McKinley high.

I gasped when I felt her tongue ever so gently brush against my lower lip and opened my mouth into the kiss, finally kissing her back as my hands cautiously made their way around her waist, pulling her a little bit closer to me so I could feel her body pressing firmly into mine.

As suddenly as it started I stopped and Brittany pulled her head back slightly so she could look me in the eye.

"That's why." She said, the words sounding rushed as though she had just ran a long way, before she quickly pulled me in once more, and kissed me again.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I heard myself sigh into the kiss, it was so gentle, and soft. It was just the barest brush of her lips against mine. I felt my eyes drift closed, felt my hands trace up her back until my fingers twisted themselves into soft silky hair. I pulled her that fraction of an inch closer to me. I needed to be closer to her.

It felt so good.

She felt so good.

Her hands stroked my face, down my neck, until they trailed up and down my back.

Ouch.

The pain was enough to bring me back to reality and I untangled my hands from Brittany's hair. Placed one gently on her chest and pushed her away from me.

A frown appeared between her beautiful blue eyes, and when she looked at me I know she was wondering why I had stopped her. It had obviously felt good because I could feel my heartbeat was still out of control, my breathing was fast and shallow, and my face felt warm. And Brittany. God she looked beautiful. Her lips were extra pink, and her hair was slightly tousled where my fingers had grabbed at it, her face had a light blush to it and her eyes were a few shades darker than their normal bright blue.

Why did I stop it?

I shook my head slightly to clear my thoughts.

Oh yes that was it. "I still don't understand. You don't even know me Brittany." I didn't say it to hurt her; I just really didn't understand why she was trying to so hard with me when most people give up when I first push them away. Why did she care?

Brittany placed her hand over mine on her chest and pressed it to her. She looked me right in the eyes and gave me this little half smile thing that makes me want to melt. "I do know you Santana." She said; with her other hand she reached out took one of my hands and brought it up to the other one on her chest squeezing them, and pressing them tightly to her.

"I know that you smile when you read something you like. I know that you really eat lunch in the library so you can have some time by yourself to be you where no one will pick on you because you stand out. I know that wear your dresses to school even though you don't like wearing them. I know that you don't like Art but that you've taken it for over a year because of me." I gasped at that one and Brittany smiled wider and brought one of my hands up to her lips pressing a kiss against the palm of my hand before pressing it into her body again. "I know that you've liked me for a long time, I know because you've watched me almost as long as I've watched you. And I know…" Her voice trailed off and I watched her take a deep breath and her smile looked a little sadder. "And I know that someone hurts you, and they scare you. Your hands were shaking yesterday in my car before you left, and I know you were scared to go home. I don't know why yet, but I hope I will one day. I know you Santana, not as well as I'd like to. But I do know you, and I just want to say that I like you too."

I didn't know what to say.

I was pretty sure my mouth was hanging open. There was no way I could have predicted today in a million years. It had all happened so fast.

Fast.

That was the problem.

"Slow. Can we umm…can we go slow?" I asked lacing our fingers together and looking at where are hands were, how they were joined, how perfect they looked together.

"We can go super slow." And without even looking at her face I could tell she was smiling. It made me smile too.

We left the school with our hands brushing gently against each other, holding hands in such a public setting was really going too fast for me. But that didn't mean I didn't want to touch her, because I really did, so I settled for the feel of her fingers occasionally brushing against mine.

As we got closer to my grandmothers house my hands clenched into fists to prevent them from trembling. I jumped a bit when at a stop sign Brittany took the time to reach out and cup one of my hands in one of hers. "Is this ok?" She asked, waiting for my quick nod before she pulled forward again.

The car stopped in the same place she had picked me up, was that just this morning?

God, I really didn't want to get out of the car.

A quick glance at the clock on the dashboard made my breath catch in my throat.

I was late.

I couldn't even look at Brittany as I unbuckled my seatbelt and bolted from the car. I ran as fast as I could towards the house, before I opened the door I took a few precious seconds to straighten out my clothes and regain my breath. Maybe I was also trying to put off the inevitable, but deep down I knew that being later was just going to make it worse, and I couldn't put it off forever. So, with trembling hands I unlocked the door and made my way inside.

She was waiting for me.

The one object I dreaded more than any other in this world was gripped tightly in her fists, and just seeing it made my whole body go cold and numb.

She didn't even speak as she grabbed my upper arm and dragged me into the parlor, the curtains drawn to prevent the neighbors from possibly witnessing my punishment. I barely had a chance to take a breath before the first blow hit my already bruised back. It was so hard that I think I heard something crack, and I dropped to my knees. I tried to cover my head with my arms, but there was no time and the next blow to the back again made me cry out in pain. Black spots were dancing back and forth in my vision, and I felt like I was going to throw up, or maybe pass out. The option was taken away from me because the next blow actually hit me in the head.


	9. Chapter 9

Wow, thanks everyone for the amazing response. I can't believe that after my long hiatus from this story that so many people are still reading and enjoying it. And because reviews really do make me write much faster here's the next part. This one goes out to all of you who alerted, favorite, and of course reviewed (The Lesbian Whisperer thank you especially, Santana could do with that hug…I'm just not sure she'd accept it)

Chapter 9

Awareness came and went in flashes.

The first couple of times there was just the sound of someone screaming at me to get up. I couldn't even open my eyes so getting up didn't seem realistic.

The next time it was quiet. My eyes managed to blink open, not that it made a difference because it was still dark.

I was laying face down on a rug. At the beginning I couldn't even remember how I managed to get here, or where here even was. I knew enough though to take stock of my body before I attempted to move. I made it to my knees vision wavering in and out before I forgot to be so careful and attempted to push off the ground with my arms. The strain to my ribs was too much and blackness swept in again.

Next time I came too I was more cautious. I managed to make it very slowly to my bedroom where I lay down, and finally let the tears I had been holding in fall.

When my alarm clock went off in the morning I wanted to throw it across the room. I might have, but honestly I was far too sore. I wanted to stay in bed, but I know that wouldn't be tolerated. So instead I moved very gingerly and made my way to the bathroom.

The shower was warm and eased some of the stiffness in my ribs, but when I gently pressed my side I felt something shift under my skin and knew I would have to bind them up for the day. The water ran red for a few minutes when I rinsed the blood out of my hair; at least my head was feeling less fuzzy with every second that ticked by.

I managed to dress and have breakfast waiting by the time she made her way downstairs. The only acknowledgment of my presence was a warning to not be late home again after school today as I quietly left, backpack in hand.

The sight of Brittany wearing her Cheerios uniform and jacket with her hair up in a high ponytail, and leaning against the side of her yellow VW Beetle almost brought a smile to my lips, but the frown that immediately covered her face stopped it. I expected her to run over to me, but Brittany Pierce apparently is full of surprises because instead she just stood up a little straighter and crossed her arms. In fact she didn't say anything to me either, she just opened the passenger door when I was close to the car, and gently took my backpack from my hand and put it besides hers in the backseat.

The car started as soon as my seatbelt was on, and we pulled away. I tried not to wince as I rested back in the car seat, but I think I did because her hands tightened on the steering wheel.

We didn't go to the school like I thought we would. Instead Brittany drove to somewhere outside of Lima, there were trees, fields, and even a lake in the distant.

It was beautiful.

Far too beautiful for what we were probably going to discuss.

My eyes closed.

I heard the click of the seatbelt and the noise of Brittany turning in her seat to look at me.

"Santana?" Brittany said quietly breaking the silence in the car.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, my voice was just as quiet and I was happy it didn't shake. I felt like it should be shaking. This was too serious. Too dark and unpleasant to be discussed right now.

"How hurt are you?"

The question made me open my eyes and twist to look at her. Not because of what she said, just how she said it. Like she really cared. No one had cared about me in so long that it felt strange that she would. And I could see it - on her face - she cared about me. Her eyes gave all of her away, and the shape of her lips, God, everything just screamed caring and concern so loud that I almost wanted to flinch away from it.

From her.

Instead I attempted a shrug and winced at the pull across my back from the move.

That was stupid.

I watched as her hand reached out and ever so gently cupped my face. I couldn't stop myself from leaning into the warmth of her hand, the softness of her skin.

Brittany Pierce was touching me.

My heart beat faster and I felt myself blush.

"I know you won't tell me about it yet. I know that. But, will you tell me about it one day soon?" Brittany asked her blue eyes got a little brighter, like she was about to cry.

Would I?

If she really wanted to know one day, then I'd try.

For her.

I turned my head slightly and pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand, and then nodded my head.

"Ok, deal." Brittany said with a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"We should go, I can't be late to school." I said wanting to press my face into her hand once more, but not moving.

"Is it because you were late home?" And as if she could read my mind her fingertips delicately traced my jaw, and around to the back of my head.

I hissed in pain, and jerked away when they brushed a bruise on the back of my neck, and she pulled her hand back like she was burnt immediately apologizing. "Sorry San, shit I'm so sorry." Tears that had threatened to fall earlier came back and one dripped down the side of her face, dangled precariously from her chin and then fell onto her red cheerio jacket.

"Stop. Britt, it was an accident." I reached out and held her hand. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Let's just forget about it and go to school ok?"

Her hand free hand brushed away the tear track and she gave me a wobbly smile. "Ok."

We pulled into the school parking lot with at least ten minutes to spare until first bell. I saw the annoyed face of Quinn Fabray as we pulled into Brittany's reserved cheerio parking spot. That can't be good? But instead of worrying about her as she pranced her way towards us, Brittany immediately drew my attention to her with a question.

Not that it had wandered far, because hello have you seen Brittany?

How could I not think about her?

Wait.

I know she asked me something, but shit I was too busy marveling at the sound of her voice and her overall beauty to actually pay attention to what she was saying.

I'm such a loser.

"Lunch?" She prompted again, a full-blown smile on her face now.

I wanted to speak. Say yes. But that smile kills me, so all I could do was nod my head.

Shit.

Now she's grinning at me and even giggled.

I watched her as she climbed out of the car, a huge grin still on her face and grabbed the backpacks.

Somehow I made my body move so I could climb out of the car, and Brittany handed me my bag quickly before Quinn grabbed the sleeve of her jacket, and pulled her away from me. Before Quinn could take her very far Brittany forced Quinn to loosen her grip, turned around, and called out. "Where the books live." And waved letting Quinn tow her the rest of the way, still grinning, into the school.

Shit, now I'm smiling.

Thankfully no one else was around to see, because it probably saved me from being slushied as I made my way towards my first class.


End file.
